roses

The Beast from the East is washing up roses; yellow roses, long-stemmed and fresh. They lie in front of me on the shingle shore, a bit battered but still intact, their damp petals closely furled and gently tinged with pink like cheeks flushed from the cold.

Where have they come from? I look around to the snow-covered hills behind and then back to the growing wildness of the sea ahead. It seems so improbably, to be standing here beneath all these white-capped waves and hills and find damp yellow petals at my feet, but here they are. I stare at them more closely. Their tender colour is vivid against the dark wet stones and, in this monochrome world, their presence makes everything else look even more black or white.

And I can’t decide which is whitest: the froth on the waves as they spill over, scalloping the shore, or the fresh snow lying in crystallised lines among the pebbles, or the smoothed fragments of quartz, or the plump breasts of the eiders paddling out into the wind, or the lean bellies of the herring gulls soaring up sideways in the stiff air, or the blanketing cloud pushing in briskly overhead, or the pure white disc of the sun within the cloud, sometimes dropping a cold platinum glint on the grey water, other times bestowing a soft sheen which rises on the slow westering swell before casting itself graciously on the shore.

I can’t decide and it doesn’t matter as I stand here before this shone water, before this powerful sea turning itself over with a glancing tenderness at my feet, softly smashing on the shingle like crumpled petals, like flung roses washed clean.

rosy-tinged yellow rose on wet pebbles with white surf receding behind

West Bay, Dunoon, Argyll, Scotland
28th February 2018

Ettrick Bay

cold sea, cold sun,
   Arran hidden within a vanishing haze,
      shining sands evaporating invisibly

Ettrick Bay, Bute, Argyll, Scotland
23rd February 2018

Ophelia

A great grey roll of cloud lies over the mainland. Over the island, the noon sun is salmon-red, sidling eyewards in quick glimpses between snowballing white clouds. The boats are rolling about, lurching in their berths, jerking as the lines tug taut, as the wind stiffens and rises.

It’s hard to take a wind with a human name seriously. Yet Ophelia excites me, fraying my nerves to a quiet frenzy as her wheeching whine conducts itself through sixty-odd riggings. The noise builds in a strange sheer crescendo. The motion builds too, the boat becoming increasingly restless in her cramped quarters, straining at her moorings, sending my heart shuddering in its hull with each jarring heave. She wants to be released, wants to ride herself free on this great gusting abandon. And I do too, though instead I keep holding on, obsessing over our lines, loosening and re-looping them repeatedly as I try to find the perfect balance – enough slack to have room to move yet enough tension not to stray.

Oh, but it’s tempting – although in this wind we’d be on the shore before we had time to raise even the head of the sail. Patience, I tell myself. It’s not time to cast off yet. It’s not time to let go.

Port Bannatyne marina, Isle of Bute, Argyll, Scotland
17th October 2017

North Sea crossing

Still shellshocked, seashocked, windstruck, hullshaken. Still lolling, rolling, rocking. Still rippling swells rising in my eyes, tipping in my ears. Still dizzy, a bit faint, the ground not entirely steadied. Still stiff, my muscles taut from pressing my back into the swinging berth, trying to hold myself there, trying to stay still. But even ashore there’s still no stillness. Even ashore there’s no rest.

Måløy, Norway to Lerwick, Shetland
21st July 2017

Bodø

We sailed south to get here but as I wander about I have the uncanny sense that we’ve come further north. Maybe it’s all the whiteness. The large harbour where we’re moored is full of white boats – packed ranks of them, all gleaming, from the shiny power boats and sleek yachts to the large ferries, and even the fishing boats – a stark change from the rustbuckets lurching around Scotland. The docks themselves, an extensive network of floating wooden walkways, are weathered to a silvery grey. Ashore too, paleness dominates. The pavements are an almost-white concrete, and all the large buildings around the harbour are pale: the minimalist white stone library and concert hall, the light grey hotels and apartment blocks, the huge white silos further along on the industrial waterfront. They form crisp negative silhouettes against the dark mountains which surround the city, which, in turn, form their own silhouettes against the now cloudy white sky, silhouettes scooped here and there with bright patches of snow.

It’s all so clean and so linear – a true Arctic city scene. Many of the streets and buildings are fronted and roofed in plate glass, further reflecting all the cold brightness. It’s an impersonal-looking city in many ways, unlike the smaller wooden towns we’ve been in so far. Yet I feel at home here, in its spaciousness, in its lucent absence of colour – human as well as architectural. Elsewhere, the cool indifference of much Norwegian social contact has been disconcerting. Here it forms part of a sense of human space, a sense of a people neatly and graciously spread out, and I feel peaceful. There is room here, on the bleached wooden docks, on the wide glassed streets. Pale, clear room.

Especially in this room, on the first floor of the Bodø Bibliotek. The room is a distillation of the city itself, spaciously arranged and immaculately white. The floors are lined with warm wood but everything else – the walls and bookshelves, the tables and chairs – is white. Almost everywhere I look I see clean whiteness and I can look everywhere because the entire sea-facing wall is made of huge panes of glass. From the outside, the glass looked bluish but from in here it’s invisible, and in the uneffusive afternoon light there’s a sense of continuity, as if the glass is not holding things in but letting things out. I feel as if I’m outside as well as inside, my sight lines extending out smoothly to the street and the harbour and, beyond, to the grey south-west line of the sea.

I walk up the softly side-lit stairs to the upper floor and into its central atrium. It’s glass-walled all around and open to the sky, with a pale grey stone floor upon which, unexpectedly yet perfectly, sits a massive grey boulder. Its immense weight anchors the ascending height: I understand why they put it here. This is the heart of the building, the high centre.

I put my hand on the boulder and listen. The city is quiet from here and I notice that I am too – unusually so. The library is doing its work, lending me its patient grace and clarity, its sheer and simple form. I turn my attention inward for a moment and find my mind, normally a fairly cluttered chamber, has become a large transparent room, sparsely furnished, its low hum of chatter like an audible silence. The thoughts within it are spacious, elevated and calm. They drift outwards from this open room, over the pale glass-vaulted city, over the snow-lined peaks and out into the ever-enveloping opaque white sky.

clean white stone building with tall blue windows on pale concrete pavements which seem to reflect the grey sky overhead

Bodø, Nordland, Norway
26th June 2017